trembling car. sparked ignition; praises. smoke danced down the street toward home. all i need are three good days away, then i'll never come back.

the small village speckled in the rearview, with one last hill, it'll disappear. music, applause, that'll clear my head thoughts. good thoughts.

whispering static. no fm. great. what's on the am?

--zzZZT--
-- ave a good night, excite---
ain't nothin but a hou--
---ust in jesus to forgive you from y---

finally, a weather station. "goodbye hurricane! come bustin' doors, never believed it'd be over this fast. torn down three buildings since yesterday. first downed he---"

buzzing. lights from the passenger seat. a picture.

i wonder who it is... i'll check. no, i can't. i never liked it there.

to satisfaction

to satisfaction

i'm puzzled as to why companies produce a "family sized" box of snack crackers that doesn't come close to satisfying. i think i'm going to write the producers of wheat thins and triscuit complaints about their products. it might look like this:

dear [insert company name here]
i have a major complaint about your product.
the box isn't big enough. perhaps in addition to "family size" on the box, you should put a disclaimer about how some people may not be satisfied and want to buy two boxes instead of one. it may be a good marketing strategy to create a bigger box... perhaps calling it "steve carroll size". then i may be satisfied. until then, i will continue to buy your crackers as they are delicious, but they leave me wanting. perhaps this is why you make the family size box so small... so we buy more. you're smart. too smart.

-steve carroll
[cracker lover]
[stay at home musician]

p.s. i'd make a good mascot for a cracker company... forget putting rachel ray on your box... she's a tool.

to josh

to josh

today was an important day for josh, being the first day of eighth grade and all. his teachers would be expecting him on time and ready, with all his books, pens, and pencils in the proper order. he would learn how to be responsible. he would learn it faster than he thought. at least, he would have if that cadillac hadn't come out of nowhere.

to vitamin water

to vitamin water

a few nights ago a couple of people patrolling the hallways and came upon my hall. it was late, and i was asleep since i'm in the process of getting over getting a cold. so a friend of mine had been out partying earlier in the night, and i'm assuming he smelled at least a little bit like booze. he was of course toting a bottle, one commonly used for mixing: vitamin water. the bottle was empty at this point, but one of my staff members asked him if she could smell it, he complied. she handed it off to the other to smell. soon after this, my resident cops up, "hey, can i smell it?"

i heard about this incident the next day, which nearly brought me to tears laughing.

to me from 2005

to me from 2005

...but as i'm in my box, other things enter. sickness, death, turmoil and tears. god, where are you now? this is your box, why aren't you in it?

so i moved onto another box. where had my dedication gone? my liberty changed gears, and i was forced to create my own box.

it will be worn. there will be holes and empty spaces that i just can't fill. one day, when my box breaks, i'll walk down the narrow road, and find the box i left.

it is purified. i am purified.

to insufficiency

to insufficiency

i'm crying because so much of you makes no sense in me.
it's packed away somewhere in here and i can't find it.
i even looked for it because i wanted it a few weeks ago.
but the last few times a tried it i messed it up and lost it.
the biggest thing i guess i'm trying to say, in roundabout
terms is that i need you. and i love you. and even though
i don't understand you, and so much of you gets mulled
and feels so incomplete because i can never see the whole
picture, i'm satisfied knowing what i know. but here's the
paradox: i'll always want to know more. you're all of me.
and
that's
never
enough.

to her

to her

she stood there glowing when the sky opened up. her life was aflame, a burnt offering with power found in her every word. the love in her hands: unmeasurable, each footprint carried zealous devotion. her whole existence was bent on fire that from insatiable sparks, turned to flame. and she burned. she burned loud and bright luscious intensity.

to silence

to silence

i imagine myself on a train, other times it doesn't quite work out as well. i had an odd dream when i fell asleep studying for calculus and missed the class. i was vomiting sporadically, and when that ceased i discovered that i had lost everything. i opened my backpack and my laptop had split in half. i started kicking the wall, which spawned an earthquake. the phone rang to wake me.

to boredom

to boredom

there is thunder and there is lightning. excitement grips his body. trembling with anticipation, he has not heard from her in three days. how thrilled he is at the prospect of never seeing her again.
the hurricane downed on their small village a week ago. small at first, but growing. quickly knocking out windows and busting through doors. the winds howled in agony as the ceiling of the sky was torn off. he hadn't seen her in three days.
on her last visit she left without a smile. he said goodbye without a care. no smoke. no mirrors. no tears. it was the only good good bye he ever experienced. in fact, nothing could be better. he was going to end it. she wasn't right, nothing felt right with her. she was too slow for him. he liked bowling, she would come, and they'd kiss goodnight in the car afterwards.
now he's staring out the window hailing the hurricane while whispering praises to the god he doesn't believe in.