ha!

ha!

7:21:11 PM lauren rae: funny story-
7:21:17 PM steve carroll: ?
7:21:31 PM lauren rae: i just got dinner with my friend emily, who's from ri, went to lincoln with me, and she asked what i was doing over fall break
7:21:37 PM lauren rae: i started rambling off our list
[in no particular order:
coffee
chuck taylor shopping
sweater shopping
savers and salvation army shopping
maccers milkshakes
vegetarian restaurant in providence
nick and norah's infinite playlist (possibly)
cloves
baking an apple cake]
7:22:03 PM lauren rae: and she was like, "you're going to these places and doing these things with who?"
7:22:11 PM lauren rae: (this was after [i told her we're baking] the apple cake)
7:22:16 PM lauren rae: i said "my friend steve.
7:22:30 PM lauren rae: and she said, "who is... what?"
7:22:44 PM lauren rae: i didn't get it and she said
7:22:54 PM lauren rae: "gay? in the closet? just really loves to shop and bake?"
7:22:55 PM lauren rae: hahahaha
7:23:00 PM steve carroll: hahaha
7:23:02 PM lauren rae: i thought it was funny, at least
7:23:09 PM steve carroll: i love it
7:23:41 PM lauren rae: i guess vegetarian restaurants, cappucino, sweaters, nick and norah, apple cake, and cloves does paint an interesting picture
7:23:43 PM steve carroll: did you mention i'm a snappy dresser
7:24:19 PM lauren rae: well i mentioned the shopping and that you love clothes, yeah
7:28:11 PM lauren rae: she's a riot- you'd like her

tough tuesdays

tough tuesdays

boyd and piper?:

In spite of their deep reverence to each other, Gandhi and Rabindranath Tagore engaged in protracted debates more than once. These debates exemplify the philosophical differences between the two most famous Indians at the time. On 15 January 1934, an earthquake hit Bihar and caused extensive damage and loss of life. Gandhi maintained this was because of the sin committed by upper caste Hindus by not letting untouchables in their temples (Gandhi was committed to the cause of improving the fate of untouchables, referring to them as Harijans, people of Krishna). Tagore vehemently opposed Gandhi's stance, maintaining that an earthquake can only be caused by natural forces, not moral reasons, however repugnant the practice of untouchability may be.^[50]
(wikipedia - gandhi)

loves

loves

reading

reading

i've been doing a ton of reading lately. and i'm learning things.

i'm learning about malcom x and martin luther king junior
i'm learning about how hip hop became a political party
i'm learning about how we're all religious. yes, even atheists.
i'm learning about the supreme court, economics, and presidential candidates.
i'm learning about religious belief.
i'm learning about religious purpose.
i'm learning about american civil religion.
i'm learning about how religion happened.
i'm learning about freedom, and what it means to not have to go back to egypt.
i'm learning about the african american civil rights movement.
i'm learning about privelege, wealth, power, and possessions.
i'm learning about people entering into the kingdom of God.

i've also been doing a lot of thinking about the things i'm learning.

i'm learning about how being right isn't always profitable.
i'm learning about my friends.
i'm learning about mandolin.
i'm learning about guitar.
i'm learning about a lot of things.

and i'm really excited.
and i'm really excited to have the capacity to learn.
and to understand.
and to breathe new things in.
all the time.

:_steve

sententiae completae

sententiae completae

"Well, let's see. There's, of course, in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, that's never going to be absolute consensus by every American" (source)

-Sarah Palin (when asked if there have been any other supreme court rulings she has disagreed with besides roe vs. wade)

hmmm... there were a bunch of supreme court rulings during the jim crow era that were pretty intolerable...(Dred Scott v. Sandford or Plessy v. Ferguson ) but i'll give her some credit, she wasn't alive.

BUT WAIT! she was only nine years old when roe vs. wade passed... so, she must not have understood really what it was until later. (quick side note: she probably enjoyed the fact that the crime rate dropped - "It wasn't gun control or a strong economy or new police strategies that finally blunted the American crime wave. It was, among other factors, the reality that the pool of potential criminals had dramatically shrunk" (Levitt and Dubner, p. 6). - read freakonomics and visit their blog, it's choc full of controversial topics and descriptions (also important to note, i love life)) but i'm sure in her u.s. history class (11 and 12 grade) she would have learned about other monumental cases in american history. but for some reason they just didn't come to mind.

hmm... so i'm thinking (maybe a little too harsh here) but to only have the supreme court decision about roe vs. wade on her list of questionable rulings is a bit privileged. highly privileged it also shows that she probably hasn't looked at many other supreme court cases. so because of that 'privilege' she probably hasn't taken the time to actually consider other issues. like civil rights issues. and immigration issues. but mccain's probably going to be around for awhile, so we're not going to have to worry about her becoming president if he gets elected.

(okay, so this is a tad scathing, but i think i'm going to post it anyways...)

oh, by the way, it's worth it to follow the links. (they contain easter eggs)

going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than going to macdonalds makes you a hamburger

going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than going to macdonalds makes you a hamburger

i've always enjoyed mackers. so satisfying. but i never was a hamburger. check out the screenshot of the salvation army site. it's especially awesome cuz i'm co-leading a study on acts this semester. i dig it.

the door to nowheresville

the door to nowheresville

i've always said that drugs are a ticket to nowheresville. i don't know where i got that saying... probably television, since it has the propensity to ruin great minds. obviously, it got to me. shucks.

anywho, my point is... is that there is a key on my desk that the realtor gave us, and i have no idea where it goes. but i don't want to give it back, in hopes that i'll find out what it's true purpose is. joe and i have tried all the locks in our house, even the dead bolt, and it doesn't fit. it probably belongs to someone else. but i still have hope.

i've been thinking a lot in metaphors and comparisons recently. i think this relates to my attitude towards hoarding. i say i don't like the idea of it, yet i continue to pile, pile, pile things i don't need. will never use. it's not like i've never used them... i have... but my interest or liking for them has expired. it's kind of like this key. i'm going to grow out of searching for where it goes, in fact, i kind of already have. yet i keep it, because one day i hope i'll use it. i need to find a salvos down in this area...

iced cream novelties

iced cream novelties

there were several things in our house when we first moved in, including pots and pans and all the regular stuff you get when you rent a property that's usually occupied during the summer. but what we weren't expecting was what was in the freezer.

a personal pizza and some iced cream sandwiches. now, for those who know me, you'll know that one of my favourite things in the world is those iced cream sandwiches at stop and shop... you know, the ones where you get like... 24 for 3 dollars or something like that. to start, it's a huge bargain, and i have a hard time passing up a huge bargain. and to finish, i love iced cream sandwiches. so you combine the two and you get an over processed delicious frozen treat. good during any time of the year.

now, you'll get some people who eat their iced cream sandwiches differently. i take them out of the wrapper and throw the rapper away right away. it's important to do that. that way i get the chocolate of the sandwich stuck to my fingers. it's the best part, having to kind of slide it off my fingers with my teeth. it's very satisfying. if you haven't tried it yet, i would recommend. also, on a side not, did you know david crowder is a vegetarian?

and then i just take bites. my friend julie likes to take the top cookie off first and eat it, then eat the rest. i think that's a bit too complicated. but they say there's no wrong way to eat a reese's.

let's go.

and so goes the toy car: [vroom!]

and so goes the toy car: [vroom!]

i've been using my old math notebook as a disguise for my writings. if you can fan through last years calculus equations, you might end up with something.

i haven't been doing much writing recently. any... actually. so this weekend i've been doing a lot. mostly music. i haven't written music before. i've done lyrics. but now i'm working on progressions and whatnot. once i get decent on guitar, i might have some interesting songs, although lyrically i think i need some work. ah well... that's what i get for mixing christian music, jam band, rap, and pop music during the early days of listening to music. uninspired lyrics.. and regular progressions.

i've been getting into it a lot though. my sabbath is almost over though, so it's back to the daily grind soon. which is okay. i find that i work harder during the week when i have something to look forward to. it was great. i got to sleep in nice and late... i made dinner. whole wheat rigatoni with a tomato vodka cause and zuccini. i made homemade ginger ale yesterday. next time i'll use less sugar, it's a bit sweet.

i'm learning a lot more about myself having to live in a house, rather than relying on uri to cook me all of my meals. I LOVE TO COOK. i hate doing dishes. i don't like getting my hands wet. is that weird?

i'm learning that salvation army is one of the best places to shop. why didn't i know this sooner? we got so much stuff for our house there... muffin tins, measuring cups, teflon coated pans (practically brand new) and some authentic looking popcorn cups, which are awesome. i was greeted by a friendly surprise in our closet today too. our landlady has good sense. she bought our ironing board at salvation army. only 5 dollars. i can dig it.

i was in salvos a few days ago. someone was buying an old navy shirt there that was just, "too cute." unfortunately, this shirt didn't have a salvos price tag on it, it still had the old navy tags, and according to store policy, they can't sell it unless they've priced it. and store policy says they can't price it until the next day if a customer brings it up to the register and it hasn't been priced yet. the next day. i think this is an okay policy. the customer didn't. she offered to pay the full price, which of course, was against store policy. they could put it on hold for her. she was shocked that they wouldn't just take the full price for it. she really wanted the shirt.

i realized some things through this interaction. first off... i don't really like wearing clothes with labels. second... if i ever stumble across something without a price tag on it that i want, i'd probably let them know.

there are some things i just don't need. i think it'd be weird to give stuff to a salvos by my house, cuz i think i'd go buy some of the stuff back. would it be too much to wonder if that's kind of what God does with us? who knows... it's probably not the most adequate metaphor. feel free to think about it.

i've been reading a lot recently. on thursday i went on the david crowder band website and read some of the stuff david's written. it's pretty insightful stuff. and funny. he's a good writer. good writing comes from experience i think. but then there's hannah clarkin. and some others, but she's the first person who popped into my head when i thought bout good writing.

i received bell's new book in the mail yesterday. i haven't had the gumption yet to start it. i feel that way with most books i think... especially scripture. or books about scripture. for some reason, it always lights me, and i get really excited about it when i start reading, but i have a really hard time getting going on my own.

this has been a stream of consciousness.

light bulbs.

tough tuesdays

tough tuesdays

because it is tuesday, and not the day after, or a few days after... i decided to beat olson to the punch. so in showing you this, i need you to realize that it was especially difficult. also know that it's due tomorrow afternoon, so i feel good about finishing it early. :)

as a little background information, i'm taking a sociology of religion course. it's challenging in a lot of ways, but not in any of the ways i would have thought, i'm actually enjoying learning a lot of the theories and ideas that sociologists place on religion, but i'm realizing that "small r religion" that defines the purpose of religion, and brackets the religious beliefs and practices to push them aside, really doesn't get at anything thought provoking. it just is.

*edit* nearing the end of the semester now... i realize how thought provoking it actually has been, and how life giving to my faith it has been. incredible what God can use to draw me nearer to him.

so, without further delay, my assignment was to decide if the phrase "shit happens" expresses an essentially religious disposition toward the world or not, and to develop an argument that supported my decision. so, here it is:

---

Theodicy’s purpose is to defend the goodness of the reality that is above, behind, and within the humanly constructed normal world. It is a guardian against disarray and confusion because it serves to explain that the confusion has a greater purpose. It gives meaning for the abnormal, un-expectable or “shattering events”* within the normal. “The arc of the universe is long, but it bends toward justice”[King] is a theodicy. The epigram, “shit happens,” is a theodicy as well. Theodicy is innately religious.

Of course questions of the true purpose of the statement, “shit happens,” may arise. On the surface it is a crass statement with a casual attitude, bordering carefree. Digging deeper, an argument must be presented to its implicit meaning: things happen outside of society’s control, consequentially, business as usual. Theodicy begins its work with the statement, ‘things happen outside of society’s control,’ and guarantees its effectiveness with the word, ‘consequentially,’ which afterward, shows the outcome of theodicy successfully carried out. The main aim of theodicy is not to offer consolation, but explanation. Consolation will naturally follow as long as theodicy is successful. Behold, the full package of theodicy carried out: [r]eligion.

[r]eligion in supplying its purpose, “provides comfort in the face of shattering events.” One must keep in mind both that this comfort is not ‘being comfortable,’ and that these shattering events have ‘symbolic power.’ Comfort maintains that people feel safe and secure, a sense that things really can and will go back to normal, which can also be described synonymously, as “comfort in the face of threats to meaningful ongoingness.” Using symbolic power instills events with representative meaning or characterizes something abstract with something concrete. Put simply: symbols are metaphors, while power gives them significance.

Shattering events must always have metaphors and explanation, otherwise the precarious humanly constructed normal world, nomos, shifts into an abnormal state which humans cannot control, anomy. If religion is world maintenance, then anomy is world destruction, the great enemy of religion. Anomy is the threat to meaning, theodicy is the saviour of that meaning. Theodicy operates as a guardian against anomy, drawing its power directly from the cosmos: the reality that is above, behind, and within the nomos. When theodicy does its job, it ensures meaning to the nomos.

But, “shit happens,” and a descent to anomy begins. Just as society created the nomos, it created the meaning within reality, the cosmos, as well. Berger postulates, “Religion implies the farthest reach of man’s self-externalization, of his infusion of reality with his own meanings … Put differently, religion is the audacious attempt to conceive of the entire universe as being humanly significant.”[28]

When “shit happens”, society as a whole does not say, “we created the norm, and the cosmos, so we are doomed, because there is actually no nonhuman way of explaining this.” Instead, something entirely different happens. People forget. They forget they created the cosmos and start to rely on it for support, theodicy is put into action, and world maintenance can continue. The nomos can be restored.

Alienation allows the cosmos to repair the nomos. When society forgets it has made the cosmos, the nomos can be repaired. The nomos and the cosmos are bound together by a relationship between them called legitimation, or shared meaning. The cosmos gives meaning to the nomos, and the nomos gives meaning to the cosmos. Society is alienated from the nomos, “because that is just the way things are,” and so things continue as normal.

The epigram is religious. “Shit happens”, shows alienation of both the cosmos and nomos, because “that is just the way things are.” Because of alienation it becomes a theodicy, to offer solution to the cosmos, serving as a guardian against anomy, and promoting world maintenance, allowing things to progress normally.

Works Cited
* concepts discussed in class as part of lecture notes will receive only quotation marks as their indication to an outside source.
Berger, Peter L. The Sacred Canopy : Elements of a Sociological Theory of Religion. New York: Anchor Canada, 1988.

highly controversial

highly controversial

interesting documentary on the goblin man of norway

batman

batman

i saw batman this weekend after the open house. adrienne came. it was fun. :)

such an awesome movie. so many biblical parallels. and the joker was a terrifying character. i've been waiting for this for awhile. it's refreshing to have such a great movie on the map. and it's batman.

pwhooshaw!

-steve

jklasji12!!!!!

jklasji12!!!!!

if you haven't been to my summer blog yet... shame on you.

but no, really, it's okay... it's on the sidebar to the <--LEFT

i'm having a good summer. this blog won't be updated much, as that one is the primary blog for this summer. we're having our sabbath now... which i was originally going to use for posting on the summer blog, but you know... i'd rather not do camp stuff right now. so i don't think i'm going to.

this was me

this was me

aaaand, this is what i looked like a year ago... after almost a full summer of camp. i love this picture cuz i was laughing too hard to be taken seriously. check it. fo' real.

i don't think many people have seen this picture... i know adrienne probably hasn't.

let me clear my throat

let me clear my throat

sometimes my mouse is jumpy. it'll hop from one side of the screen to the other, and suddenly all my windows with expose, or shrink to the edges of the screen. sometimes, since i'm using two monitors, it will jump to the other monitor, and i'll have no idea where the mouse went. yes, i know. it's crazy.

i have the other monitor. but i hardly ever use it.

i wonder if it's okay to drink the water in the bathroom. it tastes kinda funny. or maybe it's just me. the bathroom in my house has this great big bowl to drink out of. if you pull the handle, you get fresh new water. sometimes i put shampoo in it and wash my hair. i always pull the handle twice before drinking it after that though. who knows what kind of gross things are in shampoo?

three mac programs jeff and lisa need

three mac programs jeff and lisa need

today was great. i woke up. ate breakfast. took a three hour nap. then started my day when my mom called.

after we went to lunch and got the gps, i went to visit adrienne for a bit, before heading up to jeff and lisa's to meet papa bannon and becca. we all went up to the after school arts gallery/showing... it was pretty awesome. there were performances from all of the arts taught at the afterschool program. i was very impressed by their progress. man, it was awesome, and lots of fun too. afterwards, we went to jeff and lisa's for some key lime pie, u2 concert watching, and track mixing for our demo.

but when i used their macbook to research some potential affordable solar power options... i realized the absence of a few key mac programs.

quicksilver
it's a do-it-all application launcher. actually, it's so much more than that, but it does that, and even more. you push a keyboard combination (very simple, mine is apple+spacebar) and as a window pops up, you start to type an application name, website, whatever, and when you hit enter, it launches said application/website/whatever. you can even use it to resize a whole load of images if you're especially saavy. a mac user must have.

sidenote
it's exactly what it says... a window that is docked on the side of your screen that enables you to take quick notes, and then hide it away. i've got mine set up with universal hotkeys for quick showing and hiding in any situation. you can even drag images or links from websites into it to save them for later. it's quite handy. i use it when preparing for bible studies, or typing up quick prayer requests.

tube tv
open it up and type in a webpage with a video on it that you'd like to have in your itunes, and it automatically converts them for it. it's easy. you barely have to do anything. you can download youtube videos, as well as videos from practically anywhere else as well.

anywho, there are a lot more sweet mac apps out there. but try those three out. they're awesome.

hartford

hartford

i'm leaving for hartford in less than a week to go work in the city with youth. i will be living in a house with some other people, doing ministry with them. as far as specific details go, i'm not really sure what exactly i'm doing there. but i'm excited for it nonetheless.

but to be honest, although misleading, this post really isn't about hartford. it's about something new that i just found out about.

today, my mom took me to lunch, and then to bestbuy to get a gps. i could have used one for quite some time now, as i do have the tendency to get lost... but have been putting it off. but since i didn't have to pay for it... why not? it's a useful device.

i was reading online today about this new thing... kind of a sport/hobby/activity, called geocaching. it's actually pretty awesome. i think i'm going to try it out before leaving for hartford. it could prove to be an interesting thing to do on the uri campus. i wonder if there are any geocachers at uri. anywho... if you ever want to go on an adventure like this when i get back from hartford... let me know. it could be a lot of fun. or none. but adventure nonetheless.

it's two days post birthday

it's two days post birthday

so now it's wednesday. and as the title says, it's two days past my birthday. but my birthday really isn't over yet. i feel like i've been attending parties since the surprise one a few days ago.

adrienne and i celebrated my birthday with my dad on monday. (which was my actual birthday) we went to a barbecue at my dad's friend's house. (who also happens to be his boss) it was cool. we had cake. we sang songs. we ate vegan burgers and grilled veggies. it was good to spend some time with my dad. i'll probably see him once more before i go off to hartford.

tuesday, i got lunch with rob. it was good, i haven't seen him in awhile. afterwards i went and got flowers for adrienne to surprise her, but she wasn't home... and i didn't have any water to put them in, and the doors were locked. so i figured i'd just fill up one of the empty flower pots in her yard with water from the hose. hose no worky. so i went around back thinking maybe the door was open there, but it wasn't. however, i did spot some outdoor chairs with water puddles still on them. it rained yesterday morning.

i poured the water from one of the chairs into the pot, but as soon as i had drained all the water from the chair, the pot started leaking... i forgot there were holes. duh. anywho, i decided i'd go to the coffee shop down the street and get a bottle of water or something. but then i found a bottle in my car and used that to hold the water logged in the second chair instead. i then arranged the flowers in the bottle and left it on the steps for adrienne. i decided to go to the coffee shop anyway.

i ran into a few friends there. and lloyd, who i didn't recognize without his hat, so i didn't say hello. he ended up coming to adrienne's house and i saw him there anywho. after that a bunch of us went to jeff and lisa's to hang out with the bannons for a band and fanbase night. gotta show our fans we're real people too; we're not just rockstars.

all in all, it was a great day. turns out my friend amanda would trade many things important to her in order to keep dolphins alive. i didn't know she was so passionate about the not so fishies.

SURPRISE! (well, kind of)

SURPRISE! (well, kind of)

i had the most perfect surprise birthday [party] yesterday. it was wonderful.

many a month ago, i asked for a surprise party. so a few days ago olson calls me up to go catch a movie on saturday (yesterday) we went to see indiana jones, the new one. it was good, but only really because it was indiana jones. as a movie, not as good. but anywho, we went to pick up lisa afterward, cuz she and jeff had to take off to go to a small gathering at a friends house right after jeff dropped me off. right as we're pulling up to my house, i see stephen ferguson in my front yard.

surprise party.

it was sweet.

and the perfect amount of people, and the right combination of people. we ate, a lot. we broke open a pinata. we sang songs. well maybe no songs. but it was great.

indiana jones, 6 stars out of 10.

hanging out with friends for a night. off the charts. there are some things money can't buy. but for everything else, there's mastercard.

book store

book store

maybe there's a job out there for me at a bookstore where i tell people about all the books i love that they should read. i'd be terrible working at a regular bookstore i think, because i'm a bum at organization. i'm good at it when i want to be, or when there's a structure to follow (aka, alphabetical order by author) but i'm not fond at doing it very much... far too tedious.

i was in barnes and noble today. i bought a new journal and something for my lady. can't tell you what it is. she might find out. :) the journal is cool... it reminds me of a bible. leather bound with a bookmark string. they had ones with silver edge pages, thin like bible pages too, but those were over 20 bucks each. i don't need to spend that much on a journal. 12 was even pushing it.

it's been hard holding off buying little things i want. my birthday's coming up, and the majority of the little things i want are on my birthday list, but i'm miserable at waiting for anything. it's okay though. it's only in a few days. but i have no idea when the party is. what did i get myself into?

it this was were today them

it this was were today them

mixed up and jumbled title? i know. but it's okay. i had a full day today. it was a blot of fun all over. :) anywho, here's the general overview:

woke up. probably later than i was expecting to, but i don't remember what time exactly. watched the golden compass. i thought it was well done, but not as good as i remember the books being when i read them growing up. after that i brushed my teeth and went upstairs with the purpose of getting a breakfast/lunch. my mom needed help with photoshop stuff for an assignment, and i exchanged my services for a (oh man, so good) grilled cheese and tomato sandwish (yes sandwish... it was that good) and an empire apple.

anywho, i helped her out with that, but i still had some fundraiser stuff to mail out, the post office was closing soon, so i brought the stuff i needed to mail, along with my netflix movie to the post office. i had the idea to stop by the church to pay a visit to people there, rob, jeff, lyle, any of the teens in the worship band who would be practicing, and kevin. i ended up seeing all of them. and rob's new son... he's amazing.

but anywho, i ended up going upstairs, and they asked me if i wanted to hang out and play drums for the nite. i said, "sure" and i had a lot of fun. probably the most fun i've had playing drums at church in awhile. it was really cool being able to just jam out and not have to think about anything else except that it was great that i could give it my all and not have to worry about being too loud or playing something wrong. it's a freeing feeling. being in studio for a week and having my drums set up has made a big improvement on my playing as of late... i've actually been able to sit down any play.

anyways, enough tangent. after that i went out with zach and lexie to fresh city, then to starbucks (no coffee, don't worry) i ordered a carnival cookie (you know, the giant one with chocolate chips and loads of m&ms) the baristas found it hilarious that i called them carnival cookies and didn't stop laughing about it for a significant amount of time. they were still laughing after i had sat down and was halfway through the cookie. also, fresh city makes a delicious organic hummus and veggie sandwich. very delicious.

it was great to see a ton of people today. i was desiring substantial human interaction. i've been like that all week... which is weird, cuz i'm an introvert to a large extent, but i go through spurts where i feel like if i'm not around people or doing something, i'll explode. it was good to have some interaction today, and really good to see the people that i got to see. i was glad to hear how they were doing, and catch up at least a little bit on their lives, since the majority of them i haven't seen since christmas break, or last summer.

anywho, i may go to bed now, being with people makes me asleepy. nite.

how was i out of the loop?

how was i out of the loop?

something i didn't know about was that last year they released a napoleon dynamite game for the nintendo ds. the game was horribly reviewed (probably because it came out 3 years after the movie did) mainly because it was a horrible game (no, no it wasn't) and there was no chasing llamas with ligers (this is correct). no, really folks, just check out the screenshot and decide for yourself... the game has no sweet music or sweet quotes from the movie either according to reviewers. lame, i know.

a new look

a new look

so... my blogger look has been messed up for quiet awhile now, at least on my end... mainly because i had done something stupid with classic templates awhile back (trying to do everything via html) and messed something up big. i finally, today... figured out how to reverse it. none of my quick buttons were working (like the email one, or quick edit) annoying. now they work. problem solved. anywho, rents got back from france today, they took a lot of pictures. my birthday is in a week. kinda crazy.

wow

wow

so recording is all done and people for the most part are out of my house... it's an odd feeling having it to myself again. anywhos, i'm headed over to adrienne's new house in a couple of minutes to pick her up and go to dinner at panera. i'll come back here afterward to clean up a bit and set up my stuff for living here for the next few weeks before leaving again.

speaking of leaving and hartford stuff... my hartford blog got marked as a spam blog today, and i had to request review in order for it to be opened back up again. lame. i guess it's a good thing i haven't sent out that email yet, letting people know about my adventures and whatnot. will do that in a couple of days when it's back online...

anyways, off to adrienne's.

to the turnaround

to the turnaround

a few posts back, i commented on how i feel like i'm at a flux. or maybe i didn't post it, but i definitely did write about it on my livejournal. i'm obviously kidding, only about the livejournal though. :).

the summer has now actually begun. i've been at my house with chris bannon for the past week and it's been awesome. we've been recording saint soren's new ep. yes, that's right. it's hot and cookin'. my parents have been away for about a week in france now, they come back on saturday... but until then, it's jam city folks. jam city. anyways, we've got five tracks laid and they're sounding pretty smooth. i dig em.

in other news, i finally finished all my fund-raising setup (albeit a tad late) for my missionary work this summer in hartford, connecticut with hartford city missions. i'm excited to say the least. i started a new blog about it here, it's also in my links section if you'd like to check it out later.

cloverfield

cloverfield

so, this movie. i'm not gonna lie: kinda boring. also very short. i just saw it tonite. i'm usually not a scary movie kind of person, but on the recommendation of a few friends, i decided to rent it from netflix. i started watching it on my computer, and after about 20 minutes was extremely motion sick. i decided to take a break and finish it after grabbing a snack.

so that's what i did. yea, i wasn't that impressed. it's a cool concept, but it left me kind of... well... hanging. figures. the guys who made lost made this movie. cloverfield 2 perhaps? who knows? i won't go see it, maybe i'll rent it. if it's like this one all handcammy i definitely won't go see it. anywho, to rate it... 3/5 stars. that's on an 7 star scale too. i know... it was good, the characters were genuinely frightened, and behaved in ways that i would expect if those situations actually happened. so yea.... 3/5.

musak

musak

so death cab has matured so much as a band, but a lot of it has to do with gibbard at lead. it feels like he's finally discovered that he has a voice. also, the lyrics to their new songs are so much better, a lot of times when listening to transatlanticism i think to myself, "wow, he could honestly sing... anything... and it would go" but this cd, the lyrics feel well placed and intentional. just as on the opening track:

I descended a dusty gravel ridge
Beneath the Bixby Canyon Bridge
Until I eventually arrived
At the place where your soul had died

Barefoot in the shallow creek
I grab some stones from underneath
And waited for you to speak to me

In the silence it became so very clear
That you had long ago disappeared
And I cursed myself for being surprised
That this didn't play like it did in my mind

All the way from San Francisco
As I chased the end of your rope
'Cause I've still got miles to go

And I want to know my fate
If I keep up this way
And it's hard to want to stay
Away

When everyone you meet
They all seem to be asleep
And you wonder if you're missing your dream
You can't see your dream
You can't see your dream
You just can't see your dream

A dream

And then it started getting dark
And I trudged back to where the car was parked
No closer to any kind of truth
As I must assume was the case with you

a constant reminder

a constant reminder

and yet again, i am reminded of the reason that i play music.

tonight i went to a death cab show with a very large group of friends. it was... incredible. they're such unbelievably gifted musicians.

how great is the God that made us in His image? i can't know, but it's okay.

huh, who would have thought?

huh, who would have thought?

now who would have thought from the start of this blog that there would be posts about men's fashion. i certainly didn't. but today, i'd like to talk about men's overalls. according to wikipedia, "an overall is a type of garment which is usually used as protective clothing when working. overalls have sometimes been items of fashion, especially in the 1990s." personally, i can't figure out why they ever went out of style. they're sexy. i mean, a clothing item commonly worn by toddlers is bound to catch some lady's eye... right?

could this be problem?

could this be problem?

i'm very tempted to think that there is a typo with this advertisement. with the way it is written there, it sounds as if it's typed the same way borat might say it.

and i said to myself...

and i said to myself...

..."why haven't they always made chips this way?" they'd be especially good for dipping with the rounded edge; it just makes more sense.

i cry every time i watch this

i cry every time i watch this

... but i don't cry because its especially moving. it's a 2 minute long commercial, usually placed during the commercial slots for fresh prince when it's on during the wee hours of the evening. anyways, i'm not meaning to come off cynical, but it's such a terrible commercial in a lot of ways. think about it. anyways, here it is:

make an an 80s cocktail sarge...

make an an 80s cocktail sarge...

hey, i can't embed this since it's been disabled. but you click the link and it goes

vid 1 (with bubbles)
vid 2 (sans bubbles)

it is the morning and i am glad

it is the morning and i am glad

today is a new day, where outside my window there is sun bright sun. and this makes me happy. i learned something new recently about the weather as well.

it turns out that if we want our mood to be improved by good weather, we have to be outside in it for at least 30 minutes. i know, crazy. anyways, classes are done, this is our first reading day and life is good.

and are the content does it continue to get more good?

and are the content does it continue to get more good?

i wonder if i'll be laughing at my macbook pro 50 years from now...

you'll never guess what i did afterwards

you'll never guess what i did afterwards

it's almost friday. this class ends and it's practically here. i'm on call tonite and tomorrow nite, but i'm not gonna let that get in the way of my weekend fun! it's almost here! yay!

so, in a week, i've got this huge assignment due for poetry: i have to pick a poem from a list of poems that are about poetry. then i have to pick 15 poems from all the poems we have read this semester that i believe to meet this criteria and write a ten papge paper on it. with title page. with full works cited. basically, this means i'm going to turn in my rough draft as a final copy.

we did our presentation today. "they feed they lion" by philip levine was a huge topic. really, the only poem i read and really wanted to know more about. i enjoyed it.

and the story continues with a twist

and the story continues with a twist

i find it easy to ignore quiet people. i'm sitting in poetry and people are doing presentations. but hearing them is difficult, and now i'm tuning them out. maybe this is why i prefer more abrasive and loud teachers. or maybe i... just... like whatever... who knows?

there's a lonely guitar strap that sits in the corner by the fridge

there's a lonely guitar strap that sits in the corner by the fridge

i don't read enough, but i always do. there are so many books i want to read, i feel like i don't have the time to do so. i think that when i'm older and retired, and i have the time before i die, i would like to have read all i have wanted to before i do. i like to think this is possible for everything... but here, in our current condition, the fact that we are human... well, you know.

i am aware that i will never really finish everything. this is good. i am okay with that.

issues with writing i have found are not that it is

issues with writing i have found are not that it is

in any way having to do with spiritedness of prose or the moment of triumph, but also not of the breadth of the language i use. nothing has to do with everything, and everything is nothing. grammar matters everywhere and it doesn't matter all the time.

so when i write, i just do as i speak. if i stutter, i do. if i pause long i do. if i forget where i go. i do.

and it matters for everything and in everything nothing.

the pilot g-2 05 is an impressive pen to say the least

the pilot g-2 05 is an impressive pen to say the least

this week started off and continues onward as a strange week. i feel like this week is either a wave or a pendulum. it feels awkward, like it is building. but it's not. it's no more busy than last week. it's no more busy than next week. the week before finals seems like it should be different. but i sit here hanging in time.

it's an odd transitional phase as well. i'm moving from one place to another in so many ways. from school to home, but not yet. from my job as an ra, but not yet. from student to non-student, but not yet. from living on campus to living off campus... but.... not...... yet.

it's a time where i'm asking myself, am i happy where i'm at and with the choice i've made along the way, in order to move forward. it's a time where i'm wondering if i should be looking forward for things to come, or whether i should stay so content with the way things are and what is happening now that my eye for the future is blind.

it's an awkard week. but i've been enjoying it. and the weather is nice.

there are things i tolerate with great consternation

there are things i tolerate with great consternation

i don't tend to hate things. i don't hate cats. i tolerate them. i don't hate curly hair, i tolerate it. i go out of my way at times to gauge ways of how i can rid myself of the things i tolerate.

but i'll admit it:
i don't tolerate jean shorts.
i can't tolerate what i can't stand.

there are varying degrees of jean shorts. all terrible, one level is not sorse than another, but they all differ in one way or another.

we have to start off, the idea of jeans that have been worn out to the point of no longer being jeans. if they are no longer allowable as jeans, they should be replaced. they should not be modified into shorts. some people even use other people's jeans, or patch multiple pairs of jeans together to make a single pair of shorts. this should not be allowed.

next is the fact that jean shorts come... oh yes... pre-manufactured. people make them for the sole purpose of being jean shorts. we have an even further degradation of this concept: some jean shorts are made to look worn out on they day they're purchased. people either want to fake that these were once jeans, or make it seem like they LOVE them, and wear them ALL the time.

i find myself confused. i'll leave you with that.

oh, don't you worry miss... i'm wearing sunglasses

oh, don't you worry miss... i'm wearing sunglasses

before i begin my dissertation on jean shorts... let me first start off with the fact that i'm so excited to see death cab on may ninth. so excited in fact that i've even been watching every single live death cab video on youtube that i can find. it's quite the experience. i can't wait to see them. here's another video.

old news new song

old news new song

this has been around for awhile... but i feel like you should see it if you haven't.

more about the blog

more about the blog

this blog has served itself to me a lot of ways, but primarily as a journal. in older posts you will notice that the posts aren't as long, and most of them are addressed as letters, or the contents are poems, or short blurbs. i still want to continue the original intent of the blog, to be as real as i possibly can as an internet personality, and share a bit of my life with my readers, but a lot of the content has shifted. if you're bored, read through all the posts. :)

because i'm always changing, here is me now

because i'm always changing, here is me now

forgive me if i'm wrong, but it's been a good amount of time since october. i feel like i've changed a bit.

i'm finishing up my sophomore year at uri. i am still a marketing major. i discovered a lot about myself since october, including that i am an infp personality type, according to the briggs-meyers personality assessment. i learned how to trust God more during the course of this semester. i learned how to love people better this semester. i learned that not being able to do certain things is not necessarily a bad thing, but a chance to allow other people to step into the situation and help.

i am a drummer. i play the guitar, and i sing. my day to day life is deeply influenced my music. i feel like something is missing from my day if i haven't engaged musically in some way or another. whether it's listening to music, tapping out beats with my hands on my legs, thinking about music, or actually playing music... i don't feel like i've had a full day. i praise God every day for the ability to enjoy music the way i do.

i remember how i used to say that i would rather be deaf than blind, because i used to be such a visual person. i used to love taking pictures of things, drawing things, and doing lots of work in photoshop. that drive has shifted from a visual drive to an auditory one. it's strange how that happens. art has changed form for me in the past few months of my life, in serious ways.

i don't share this often, and it's odd to be sharing it in such a public place... but i feel called by God to be a pastor. i have for a long time. and God's got a lot of work to do in me until i get to the point where i am able to lead His church, but He'll provide the means. I can't do it on my own.

i am currently in a dating relationship. i know it's a shocker. although we've been dating for over a year now, i don't think i mention her much on this space. and because she may choose to remain unknown, i will say that if you haven't met her, or gotten to know her, you should. she's lovely.

i am still an ra at uri, but only to finish off the year. next year i am living off campus. it's the best place for me to be next year, and in a situation where i can grow and service God with other people involved in kingdom work in the best way possible. i am very excited for next year, but this one isn't over either.

i have discovered that i enjoy dark comedies. my favorite pop tarts are smores. i prefer generic medication over brand name, unless it's something like toothpaste or deodorant. (although, i do use generic brand mouth wash) i realize also that i could do a better job of cleaning my ears. i don't mind one ply toilet paper, it's cheap, and it still works.

i use old spice deodorant. usually the original scent, but pure sport is an okay option too. i use the pure sport bodywash, but i think once this bottle is done i will switch to original scent. i wear hanae mori cologne. it's the only bottle of cologne i own because it was given to me as a gift for my birthday since i asked for cologne. i also received chocolate covered gummi bears, dave matthews concert cds and plaid shorts. if there were other things that i forgot, i'm sorry, but those were things that stuck out in my mind. i use rusk shampoo.

i'm the kind of person that lets food sit in a fridge until it gets way beyond moldy before throwing it out. i'll need to get better at not doing this before next year. i don't know how to cook. i don't do dishes often. some people might say i don't do dishes at all. i'm not a neat person, but i'm trying to be better.

i gave up meat for lent. i figured that after lent was over i'd start eating it again. when i tried an assortment of meats again on easter, i realized that i prefer being a vegetarian. i'm going to stick with it. to be honest, i've never felt healthier, more energized, or more aware of how the foods that i put into my body can have in influence on my whole day. i find that i enjoy eating a lot more, because now when i eat, i can be creative in my food selection, instead of just going straight toward the meat. i can't say that i will be a vegetarian forever, but i can say that right now, it's what works. i enjoy it.

i have never stayed at the same job for over a year. the ups store is the exception because my stepdad owned the store, and it was the only place i could work. i have trouble finding jobs that i like. but i think i'm better at it now. although when i need money i'll do almost anything for work... but when i feel like i don't need it so much anymore, i get tired of the job that i'm at. i realize that the best jobs for me are jobs where i interact with people on a daily basis. where the majority of the job is interacting with people, teaching them things, learning things from them, feeding into them, being fed. i have worked at a collection of places, including, but not limited to, the ups store (i packed packages, typed up invoices, helped customers, cleaned...) cartridge world (i typed up invoices, arranged inventory, helped customers, filled ink cartridges, remanufactured laser cartridges, was a mascot as a giant printer...), ram computers (i helped people fix their computers, fixed them for them, talked to people at dell on the phone for hours... that kind of thing) diane miller photography (i retouched photos with photoshop for a professional photographer), doyle sails (managed the cutter that cut the sails, and patched sails together) camp keswick (i was a camp counselor for the summer... this has been my favorite job so far) URI HRL (i'm an ra, it's my second favorite job ever), i've also trained people on how to use their computers. wow ... i feel like that's a lot, but i feel like i've missed some stuff too.

in the mac vs pc debate i would have to say, "yep." i use both. i enjoy both. i don't like being exclusively one or the other, but i do have phases where i definitely do use one more than the other for various reasons. they're both great, and they both run well. i have no complaints. although, macs are more pretty.

i try very often to keep a journal, but i generally lose interest after awhile. sometimes i wish i could just skip holidays entirely. i don't see my grandparents enough. i don't spend enough time with my dad. i feel like sometimes i'm too tired or too busy to engage certain people.

i prefer salty snacks over sweet snacks. i can polish off a family size box of wheat thins in a single sitting after a large dinner. half price appetizers make me sick. i enjoy the desert shooters at applebees. i plan on making them next year when i live off campus. pistachio pudding is my favorite pudding at uri. i've tried them all here. it's also my favorite dessert here. i'll miss the food here next year i think.

electronics include: canon digital slr camera, canon compact digital camera, macbook pro, 80 gig ipod, external harddrive, self-built pc, electronic drum set, electric guitar, hp printer, panasonic ipod-ready cd deck, altec lansing speakers, an electric razor, a cell phone, and some sweet lamps. i think that's it. i'll level with you: i feel a bit guilty sometimes about the stuff i own, at times i feel like i should live more simply, and i'm moving toward that, but it's a slow process.

when i'm interested in something, people know. i throw myself into it without hesitation, and fully.

i'm a lifelong learner.

i think i summed me up the best i can.

from poetry 1

from poetry 1

if you haven't already, check out some poems by frank o'hara. he was born in 1926 and died in 1966. most of his poems were written during his lunch breaks while working at the museum of modern art. he was friends with a lot of painters during his life, including jackson pollock, whose art i am quite fond of. anywho, check him out. there's book we're reading called, "the vintage book of contemporary american poetry", it's an introduction to a lot of america's finest poets. in reading it through the course of the class i have discovered some poets i enjoy. check out allen ginsberg, he's interesting. wikipedia has a nice list of selected works for each of the poets i've linked to. scroll down on their pages. ginsberg's howl continues to be a haunting work.

from poetry 2

from poetry 2

i feel like i could begin many of my posts like this each day: it was so beautiful today. i have extremely blessed by warm, wonderful weather for the past few days. there are three moon bounces on the quad today. also, there is cotton candy. human bowling looks fun too. all in all, i think i will participate once i get out of poetry. i can't wait.

today we were assigned a writing exercise, for which we are to write a poem in imitation of frank o'hara. have i mentioned already how much i like him? he pays attention to details in his moments of observation. he pays attention to time. he is sure to use concrete language when describing things. it's almost always literal, rather than metaphorical. he describes things that are actually happening. i am happy for this assignment.

wow

wow

it's been over a week since i last posted. for some reason i've been less motivated to post on this thing in the recent months. but i will post more. maybe. i can't promise anything.

i'm going to start this post of with a belief i have. guitar is fun. i've been sitting here playing for probably over 3 hours now, and i've just realized that.

today was beautiful. i got to spend a good majority of the day out on the quad with friends. i slept until past 1 pm today. tomorrow i have class early in the morning.

next week i'm leading worship again at origins. there's a certain amount of stress in it, but a lot of good comes from it. i'm extremely blessed to do it, and i think the more i do it, and the more confident i am in the abilities that God has blessed me with, the better i'll be at it. it's hard to play guitar standing up... in front of a lot of people. i close my eyes a lot. which causes me to forget the words, or how the song is supposed to be played. i close my eyes with i play drums too. but at least i know where those are, and i can listen to the person leading.

this summer has a lot going on. i'm working in hartford with an organization called hartford city missions. it'll be an eye opening experience i think. we're learning to live simply. i'm living with a team of... i think 5 people. the packing list is quite sparse. it mainly contains clothes that i'll need for various activities, a bible, and a journal. i'm going to bring my guitar... (since i'm there 9 weeks, it would be poor stewardship to let all my practice go to waste) i don't think i'll be able to bring drums tho'.... sadly. but we'll see what God does with this summer. needless to say, i won't be blogging much... but i plan on keeping a journal/notebook on the ways i see God moving over the summer, and the things that we're doing.

posts from that journal will probably end up here. to a certain degree.

i'm still trying to figure out the fine line between blogging all my personals to blogging things that mean something to me that i want to share. in a way, i feel like i should blog everything, but in a way i feel like i shouldn't be blogging at all. i'm thankful for the blogs that my friends have. they become a blessing for me to read day to day, especially since i don't get to talk to them all the time. but blogging shouldn't be a substitute for genuine communication. these are just thoughts.

i've been working on a new blog. which has been distracting me from this one a bit. jeff.o had the idea for a not-so-hip hipster blog. i'm running with it now. i have to come up with a design and a format for it. i plan on getting co-writers in on the madness. it will be called, "yep. i'm hip." more info soon to come.

a lot of my friends' lives have been hit with tragedy recently. if you're a praying person, please pray for them. and pray for God to give me the right words to say to them in these difficult situations.

lisa taught tonight at origins about prayer. we watched a nooma video to kick it off. number 19 . i think. it was good. she talked to us about answered prayer, and not answered in the way we think it should be prayer, and prayer yet to be answered. she talked about a guy who prays all the time, and logs it in a journal. when prayers get answered he writes how they are answered. it's a beautiful concept. we learned about how when we pray, not only are we more connected with God, but the more we pray, the more we are connected with other people that we are praying for. it's interesting.

the whole reason i gave up facebook, and started a new account was so that i could have a list of friends to pray for every day. i kept up with it for awhile, but i slacked off about a month or two ago. praying for people is hard. especially when i don't see tangible results.... or haven't seen the person all semester and haven't been able to catch up on what God is doing.

i receive an email every now and again with prayer requests for a bible study i used to be in. since i started my own on the same night, i haven't been able to attend, although i miss the people involved dearly, and i can't wait until the death cab show to see them all again. it'll be great. anywho, there was a new person that started going about the same time i stopped, and he needed a job. so i prayed for God to provide him with work to do. i met the guy at sanctuary a few weeks ago. and when i recognized his name when someone said it, a bit too loud, i rushed across the room to say, "hey, you don't know me... but my name is steve, and i've been praying for you. did God provide you with a job?"

"yes."

anywho, we're continuing progress on our current bible study. i'm really enjoying it. and the relationships i'm forming with people through it. we'll see what God has for me next semester, but i'm pretty sure i'll lead one again. yay! co-ed is definitely the way to go... at least for me. i feel like we can talk about a lot of stuff in the study, and it's especially helpful outside of the study, because i can pair off with the guys and go grab lunch or something, and the person leading alongside me can do the same with the girls. it's been great to have a mentoring, and brothering relationship with these guys. i'm excited. very excited.

anywho, i'm not so sure what else to write, but i felt like at least writing a post would be good. :) hope ya'll are doing well.

tidbits of life

tidbits of life

my friend liz was studying for what i think was a nutrition exam, a section on infants if i'm not mistaken. she was telling me how when an infant is born it's head is three times as large as it should be, in proportion to its body. this shocked me. what shocked me even more was the fact that our heads aren't actually proportionate to the size of our body until we're around twenty-five years old. WOW. that's incredible.

what's even more shocking about this is the fact that people who consistently consume excess amounts of alcohol (binge drinking... (actually, less drinks than you'd think)) can lead to growth problems. they can range from developmental issues, all the way to stunted physical growth.

i never thought about it. i always thought saying someone had a big head had to do with them being full of themselves... now when people tell me not to let my head get too big, i can honestly say, "oh, don't you worry... i'll be proportional someday." and i can mean it when i say it. in more ways than one.

comments

comments

so... i welcome comments on my posts. but i realized today that i like to know where they're coming from, or rather, WHO they're coming from. so i disabled anonymous comments. from now on, you'll have to say who you are. i hope that it doesn't stop certain people from dropping a line every now and again... if it does, i'll never know, cuz i didn't know who was saying things in the first place.

yay!

today was a good day.

lots of things happened.

woke up. office hour. played guitar.
office hours > met jeff at starbucks. saw kevin and jake and bumped into chris p. hung out with jeff for a bit, went to visit chris at his new place... it's sweet. went back to school, ordered a calzone (eggplant parm) was on call. did rounds. played super smash bros. went to bed. zzzzzz

1984

1984

i've never been a huge fan of books with futuristic totalitarian societies. maybe it's just me, but i've never been a huge fan of establishments and structures. but anywho, there's this book by h.g. wells called 1984. it's a fantastic book. if you haven't read it, you absolutely should. but onto the actual topic on hand.

in the book, there's people called the thought police. they're basically government officials that make sure people are thinking what they're supposed to, and aren't thinking anything that's particularly antigovernment, or anti... anything. conformity is their sole desire.

if you haven't checked out the blog on evolution of security, i urge you to do so. it's a rather informative blog about our nation's transportation security, in public areas. but one paragraph on their website stood out to me as being rather like 1984:

"This is also a good example of using specially trained Behavior Detection Officers to look for people with hostile intent as well as the items they intend to use. It's a further testament that the behavior detection program works."

on the whole, i feel a little more safe concerning this... but i also feel disconcerted. maybe "big brother" is watching out for us, but maybe he has other plans. anyways, what are your thoughts?

red

red

so i got an email today saying that a package was in my mailbox. i was really excited, i bought shoes last week on converse.com and they're finally here. so i went and got them. i opened up the box. and i'm greeted with a familiar smell.

a smell from my childhood.


a smell that i remember, but i can't quite place.

what is that smell?

it's not new shoe smell.

they're new... but that's not the smell commonly associated with new shoes.

i finally figured it out.


BRUSSEL SPROUTS.


yep.

those tiny little delicious cabbages we all have come to know and love like the plague. i don't know about you, but i actually enjoy them. the only problem i have with them is their smell. anywho. that's what these shoes smell like. it's not terrible though. they're pretty awesome.

if you wanna check them out... look up "hundred layer chucks" on converse's website, under all the product red shoes. i'd give you a link, but the whole site is created in flash, so they're unable to direct link.

or you can arrange a viewing. i'm free on mondays wednesdays and fridays... along with most saturdays and sundays. also, tuesday and thursday between the hours of 11 and 2... and after 3:30.

but seriously. this is exciting news people.

birds

birds

so there's this little birdie in my head that keeps telling me, "steven, i know you finished your paper, now you just need to print it out. it's due at 2pm today. do it. do it. do it. do it. do it. do it. do it."



so i shot it.

but then i felt bad, cuz i didn't actually kill it. i just wounded it enough for it to be annoying. so i stepped on it, crunch.

the end.

i was tired at nine

i was tired at nine

i was tired at nine. but it's 1043 an i'm still awake. i'll go to bed after i post this.

okay. gnite.

jesus wept

jesus wept

i went down to new orleans a week ago with a group from intervarsity at uri. we met up with over 100 volunteers in saint bernard's parish at a place called "city of hope barracks". we spent a week there. on our free time we bonded, we played chess, speed scrabble, and other games.

free time... in new orleans? shouldn't you be working?

that was my thought too. i figured at the end of the day i would be run ragged by all the good work we'd do. considering how after 2.5 years, new orleans hasn't made much improvement in the less economically motivated areas, there should have been heaps of work to do. and there was. but we couldn't do it. it's extremely unorganized down there... when they get volunteers, they have trouble placing them somewhere. there's not exactly a system in place for effective volunteer action.

but jesus wept.

every night we had community time. a teaching was given in large group. we went to discuss it in somewhat smaller groups afterwards.

lazarus was sick.
jesus was in another town.
jesus heard news about lazarus.
jesus stayed where he was.
finally, jesus went to lazarus.
martha and mary were upset when he arrived.
he could have healed lazarus.
lazarus didn't have to die.
had he been there, he could have done something.
he had all the power to do it.
when jesus saw mary weeping,
and the jews who had come along with her also weeping,
he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.

jesus wept.

then jesus raised lazarus from the dead.

something important i took away from the trip is that doing something, and fixing the physical problems aren't always the best way to address the actual need. new orleans needs fixing up, that's for certain... but even more, the people there needs someone to partner with them in their suffering. they need someone who is deeply moved by their story. they need someone who feels helpless and immobile alongside them. they need people to listen to their stories. they need to be remembered.

the first step to rebuilding new orleans isn't necessarily fixing up houses. there are far more broken people than broken houses.

new orleans

new orleans

i am leaving for new orleans today. there will be no new posts for awhile. that is all.

palindrome

palindrome

i always thought the word that would describe what it means to have something spelled the same way backwards and forwards should also act like what it describes... like instead of being called a palindrome, it'd be called a kayak. makes more sense, no?

well anyways, the longest palindrome that i had known for the longest time was "devil never even lived". thanks to a personal friend of mine who i have never met, but have seen once in awhile, although i doubt he's ever seen me... i know a longer palindrome.

click for big.

today was beautiful

today was beautiful

i slept in. late.
too late to tell you how late.
okay, you convinced me.
i'll tell you.


two.




thirty.

seven.

i know. it's great. my poetry class was canceled. i woke up and felt tired. but good. it was a weird feeling. i haven't really been getting better from being sick. but i just feel more energized. maybe it's because i sleep for about fourteen hours a night. or something else. but i have a feeling that's it.

i went to get breakfast/lunch soon after i woke up. i had waffles, with syrup with maple flavoring. and butter. lots of butter. i also had chocolate milk. i got peanut butter cup ice cream, but i wasn't able to eat it. my friend liz helped me out.

after lunch i hung out in my room for a little bit while i prepared to go to the library to study with some of my residents. i find that a change in scenery sometimes helps me to focus more. it was good. i got through two chapters of economics and felt as if i truly had accomplished something.

afterwards i got dinner with jon, chris, and bryant. i had a boca burger. i don't know if i mentioned this already, but i gave up meat for lent. all meat. it's been an interesting experience. it's opened doors for conversation with a lot of people. about fasting. about self sacrifice. about jesus. about restoration. and healing.

but bryant was constantly getting excited about the flavors in his food. i mean really excited. he rushed from the table at one point, entirely out of his mind and came back with quite a large portion of honey, which he proceeded to drizzle on his KFC style chicken. it looked immaculate. watching him eat it brought me joy. we then tried honey on everything. my onion rings. my boca burger. chris's food. jon's food.

we finished eating ten minutes before bible study.

after we ate we had bible study.

jon shared his testimony. we've been doing that during the study, one person or a few people share their testimony each week. it helps as we move through the book of hosea to keep in mind that the words are as active today as they were then. that God moves as much as he did then... now. it's beautiful to hear people's stories.

we discussed the state of israel, their prostitution with other gods. their wealth, their arrogance. we discussed what we did at origins last night a little more in depth. God bless america... america bless others. we talked about how our hearts can be towards God. how we can have empty works.

i talked with a friend of mine afterwards about mother theresa. about her love for people. about how she loved like jesus did in a way that i hope i will be able to some day.

i feel alive.

i know i promised

i know i promised

okay, so quick update on my life.

i have bronchitis.
i'm leading a study alongside my friend janet on the book of hosea.
i led worship last night at origins.
i still enjoy dave matthews band.
and radiohead.
and maroon 5.
i know. i know.
but don't worry...
i still think tool sucks.

so what's been going on recently you ask?

well... i've been having a hard time with school. i'm not too motivated this semester, and there are plenty of things going on to distract my attention from it. being sick is a major one. and not having the ability to focus on anything nonmusical for more than 5 minutes. i've even had a hard time preparing for bible study.

it's weird.... i've been feeling very strange for the past few weeks. i'm excited about the littlest things, and the littlest things get me in a weird funk. i go through periods of joy, and depression in very short time spans.

i'm attempting to become less reliant on technology, even though my life demands it more and more. especially since i have two online classes.

i'm trying to deepen my relationships here on campus more with people. i'm trying to disciple people and mentor them.

i decided to live off campus next year. to get a housemate. i'll be living with joe dipilato. i was recently offered another RA job, one in which i would be able to have roommates, but the only problem with it is that people offcampus can't move on campus, so joe wouldn't be able to go. and i know i'm supposed to live with him next year. if it was the right thing, i feel like God would have given me the go ahead on it. however, i've been praying, and living with joe is what i'm supposed to be doing. but getting the job offer wasn't fun having to turn it down. i don't know why this happens to me sometimes.

i'm going back and forth on what i want to do this summer for work. my heart keeps leaning more and more toward camp, but it doesn't seem like a healthy environment as of yet, and i've got other offers, and an inner-city internship that i need to apply for if i'm going to even think of doing something else. i need to do that... it's due to their main office on march 15. that's in 10 days...

so here's the thing:

i'm feeling as if i'm being thrust into roles of leadership that i don't believe i at all capable of filling, or feel that i am all ready for... but i feel are where i'm supposed to be. maybe God is teaching me something. i'm learning more and more that i need to depend on him for everything. maybe that's what it is. maybe that's what i'm supposed to be putting into practice. it's so hard though. i'm in a tough spot right now.

i feel an extreme longing in my heart for a lot of things. i feel like my desire for Christ has increased to a level that i cannot contain anymore. i'm letting God heal me and dwell in me in ways that i never thought he ever could. and it's painful. and joyful. i'm glad that i have people that have come alongside me and are walking with me.

i've been looking at seminary recently... i mean... really looking. before, i knew i was going, but i had my mind set on gordon, the c.u.m.e. campus (look it up... they offer a better description) it's basically gordon conwell's urban ministry seminary. kind of. well anywho, i talked to a friend of mine who recommended a bunch of schools, which i prayed about and checked out their programs, and what it might look like to go there. truth is, gordon's on the bottom of my list now. weird, huh? i'm actually looking at bethel now for seminary. it's odd how God works.

He put the desire in my heart to be a pastor the second give my life to Christ. in fact, it's the weirdest thing: i said, "okay God, here's my life" and He said, "ok, i'll take it, and fill it with all these passions and areas where i know i can use you. now go be a blessing."

i think one of these days i'm going to post my testimony up here. it wouldn't be that hard to do. i've already got it typed up, i just have to update it... it's a few years old. when i applied to uri i used a good chunk of it as part of my essay. i just have to get it off of my other computer that it's stored on.

let's see, what else is going on? i feel like i never talk about adrienne here... i don't know that she would like if i did. but here's the deal. her and i have been dating for over a year. she's wonderful. if you don't know her, or you haven't been introduced yet, you should be. let me know. i'd love to introduce you. there's no one in the world like her. (although, she's got one of those faces... (you'll have to ask her what i mean by that when you meet her(also, i've got one of those faces too))).

but leading worship last night at origins was a really interesting experience. it was different to step out of my comfort zone behind the drums and into more of what felt like a spotlight position and lead. to be honest, i really need to work on my worship leading skills. just in communicating with other musicians about where we're going and what we're doing. i forget sometimes that playing instruments for people is not how drums work for me. drums are just... this natural thing... it flows out of who i am. and i feel like i can follow anyone and play anything we'd do on a sunday morning or a wednesday night. i forget how hard guitar actually is. haha.

but anywho, i was really able to just give the night up to God. just to say, "okay Lord, this is all for you... i'm going to mess up constantly, and while i know there's a ton of talented musicians here to cover up my mistakes, i'm still scared of making them... but it's all for you." it was a good experience. extremely humbling. terrifying even at times. and since i'm sick, my voice was gone when we finished. but it was a great time. God really blessed me through it. i love to lift my voice up to Him. i can't believe i'm saying this, but i can't wait to do it again. i like being stretched and getting into new things. it's fun.

i'm going to new orleans for spring break to help in the rebuilding efforts. i also got a ticket for parking in a handicap accessible spot. i'm so stupid sometimes. i make such an effort and such a big deal about how our lives are supposed to imitate Christ, and then i go park in the spot. and you know what? the biggest deal about that is that i got caught. it's not the fact that i did it. to be honest, i was most upset with the fact that i got a ticket, not that i probably was parked there when someone who actually was in need of the spot required it. i just figured i'd share that with you all. it's something i needed to get off my chest.

it's amazing to me sometimes that people actually laugh at things they read. now i know this may come as a shock to you, but when i read something i think is funny, or comical, i may chuckle a little bit, but i hardly laugh out loud. in fact, when i type "haha" or "lol" in an instant messenger window, i'm very rarely laughing out loud, or even laughing. it just becomes such a habit. but when i showed adrienne the "stuff white people like" blog (www.stuffwhitepeoplellike.wordpress.com) she burst out laughing at a ton of the stuff. he relates to it so much too... it's really funny. trust me, if you have friends who are white, or are even white yourself, you'll likely find something funny about it. but she was in tears laughing. i felt as if i needed to share that.

so i'm in the process of looking at houses with joe. it's not so bad. i got a call at 8:30 in the morning yesterday from one of the people whose house we looked at. she's really nice. her and her husband live in florida, and they really want joe and i to move into their house for some reason. i guess they think we're good people. it's only partially true. he's good people. i'm good some of the time. anyways, the house is kinda small, and may not fit my needs spacewise. (guitars, drums... etc) but sacrifice may be required if we want something affordable and whatnot. it's in a reasonably big party neighborhood though... but so is the really nice house that's slightly out of our price-range, with the potentially over-bearing future landlord... but it'll be fine. i'm sure i can still play my guitar. albeit, not at full volume.

so i think one of the tubes on my amp is cracked. i don't know how this would have happened as i'm extremely careful while transporting it. but it may be cracked. olson... bannon... mook... WHAT DO I DO?! it's not something that looks like it needs to be fixed, but is a cracked tube something that would need to be fixed if it sounds fine and works well? anyways, let me know what you think... this is all new to me. i just bought the thing though, i really don't want to have to throw money into it. especially when i want to turn my acoustic guitar into an acoustic electric. yay.

so anyway, new orleans. we're going there on a bus. it's gonna take awhile, and as far as i remember, i get pretty sick on buses. i may be allergic to dramamine, but that 2 day stint in the hospital after taking it may have been entirely unrelated. who knows? anywho, i might try some magnetic bracelet action, and if that doesn't work... sleeping pills? who knows? motion sickness is not a fun animal. i'm debating bringing my guitar on this trip. my cheap one. i don't think i'd like being away for a week and not being able to play guitar, i feel like i'd be pretty bad at the end of the week getting back to it. i've been playing it pretty much every day since i got back to school this semester. i really enjoy guitar now.

i think even more than guitar, i enjoy singing. i'm not too good at it, but i think with practice i can get better. i worry about ruining my voice though. i've thought of voice lessons, but they kind of seem scary to me. i feel like singing is such a personal thing. i used to hate singing in front of people. i'm just starting to do it now and enjoy it. i think i have a fairly decent voice that could improve with practice. :)

this weekend is probably going to be a pretty big "get back on track with all my school stuff weekend". i think adrienne's busy for most of it, so it'll make it easier for me to stay focused on the things i need to focus on. girls: they can be huge distractions. i'm looking forward to some time though, when i'm not sick, where i can start working on covers again. i've got a lot of ideas for some decent covers of songs that i'd love to share with you. for example... a verson of coldplay's yellow in 6/8 time, with cut time chorus. yea. i know. for all you nonmusic people... it sounds really exciting. but yea, it actually does sound pretty cool. and it's fun to play.

we sang come ye sinners at intervarsity tonight. i love that song. there's a line in it that says:

if you tarry till you're better
you will never come at all

it's my favorite line in the whole song. i feel like that's exactly what God tells us throughout our entire lives. it's something i personally need tobe consistently reminded of. i'm not perfect. i need God's grace. if i keep trying to fix myself on my own, it's not going to work, in fact, it's going to push me further away from God... it's crazy.

anywho, that was just a small update of the many things that have been going on in my life since i last posted.

much love.

four and a half years

four and a half years

i promise i'll update this weekend. i'll be around a computer for longer.

printer

printer

i'm selling a printer. here's the listing.

if you haven't already heard...

if you haven't already heard...

so i get all my music for free. and it's legal. i figured i'd share this information with you all.

college students (with a pc) can get free music. it's called ruckus. it's offered to anyone with a valid .edu email address. here's a link. sign up. get free music. FREE MUSIC.

https://www.ruckus.com/ruckus/registration/chooseUniversity.do

to john mayer fans

to john mayer fans

this is actually quite fantastic... only one ever recorded. he should have done more. he might have had something with this. although... eh, just watch it. it's funny.

for breakfast

for breakfast

i love the way e.e. cummings writes poetry. if you read this blog and you have a collection of his poems, can i borrow it?

surely

surely

i was reminded of something that happened this summer about an hour ago.

while hiking through the woods at keswick with my second week of campers ever, we came across these lizards. or newts. or salamanders. but these things were bright orange, and really cool to look at. not to mention, there were a lot of them, all over. i told the kids they could look at them, but please don't touch them. obviously, that didn't work. so once they were done playing with them, we went off to other places of interest in the woods.

when we got back to our cabin after the following activity (an hour after we finished hiking) there was considerable hustle and flow around one camper in particular. when i questioned what was going on, the campers looked at me in silence. none of them wanted to speak. i told the camper they were surrounding to show me his hands since he was hiding them. dead lizards. in his small hands, dead lizards.

they were just there, lifeless. their color had drained.

i think it's amazing how human contact can mar some animals. i heard once that if you touch a bird's eggs, or handle a baby rabbit, the mother will never want it. it will be kicked out and left to survive on its own.

it seems as if a lot of this is true for relationships as well. how in everything we do, everything matters. everything. how we talk about our parents, how we treat our friend who's a little awkward, how we talk about the people we don't like. what if our view of others really was the same view as how we view ourselves... what if we were able to love God enough that the view that we have of ourselves is healthy. that we're actually able to love others.

are there issues in our lives where we need to seek God's healing and restoration. are there people we need to talk to and resolve conflicts with before we can tell God we really love him? do we love our neighbor with a self sacrificing love that says the way of Jesus is the right way to live? do people actually see that in our lives? or are we just a shadow of how Christ calls us to live? i don't want to be an imitation. i want to be a part of that greater restoration that God calls his people to.

and all this because of a simple recollection of dead orange lizards.

don't watch this video

don't watch this video

U.N.K.L.E. f/ Thom Yorke – “Rabbit in Your Headlights”
(Dir. Jonathan Glazer, 1998)

free tetris

free tetris

so, one of my residents. actually, all of them. introduced me to free tetris. now i'm not saying it's ruining my life. but it will ruin my life. fo' real. anyways, i figure i should ruin some of your lives too. here's it is.

click picture for go.

back to basics

back to basics

as i frequently do, i updated the format of the blog again... or layout. or whatever you want to call it. hmm... maybe it's a time for simplicity. i also think uploading things will work better now.

rainbow head

rainbow head

so i've got this slight issue with this band radiohead.

they released this new record. in rainbows. and while it is fantastic, i STILL go back to ok computer and listen to it over and over again. every album they have released since it has drawn me back to it. it's the perfect record. in rainbows is good. ok computer is perfect.

just thoughts.

can we?

can we?

February 8, 2008
Op-Ed Columnist
Questions for Dr. Retail
By DAVID BROOKS
QUESTION: Dr. Retail, now that the Democratic presidential race has
entered its long, bloody slog phase, I figured it was time to get a
fresh perspective. Can you explain to me what it’s all about?

DR. RETAIL: Why do you bother me with simple problems? Listen, the
essential competition in many consumer sectors is between commodity
providers and experience providers, the companies that just deliver
product and the companies that deliver a sensation, too. There’s
Safeway, and then there is Whole Foods. There’s the PC, and then there’s
the Mac. There are Holiday Inns, and there are W Hotels. There’s
Walgreens, and there’s The Body Shop.

Hillary Clinton is a classic commodity provider. She caters to the
less-educated, less-pretentious consumer. As Ron Brownstein of The
National Journal pointed out on Wednesday, she won the
non-college-educated voters by 22 points in California, 32 points in
Massachusetts and 54 points in Arkansas. She offers voters no frills,
just commodities: tax credits, federal subsidies and scholarships. She’s
got good programs at good prices.

Barack Obama is an experience provider. He attracts the educated
consumer. In the last Pew Research national survey, he led among people
with college degrees by 22 points. Educated people get all emotional
when they shop and vote. They want an uplifting experience so they can
persuade themselves that they’re not engaging in a grubby
self-interested transaction. They fall for all that zero-carbon
footprint, locally grown, community-enhancing Third Place hype. They
want cultural signifiers that enrich their lives with meaning.

Obama offers to defeat cynicism with hope. Apparently he’s going to turn
politics into a form of sharing. Have you noticed that he’s actually
carried into his rallies by a flock of cherubs while the heavens open up
with the Hallelujah Chorus? I wonder how he does that.

QUESTION: But why would Democratic votes break down so starkly along
educational lines?

DR. RETAIL: The consumer marketplace has been bifurcating for years!
It’s happening because the educated and uneducated lead different sorts
of lives. Educated people are not only growing richer than less-educated
people, but their lifestyles are diverging as well. A generation ago,
educated families and less-educated families looked the same, but now
high school graduates divorce at twice the rate of college graduates.
High school grads are much more likely to have kids out of wedlock. High
school grads are much more likely to be obese. They’re much more likely
to smoke and to die younger.

Their attitudes are different. High school grads are much less
optimistic than college grads. They express less social trust. They feel
less safe in public. They report having fewer friends and lower
aspirations. The less educated speak the dialect of struggle; the more
educated, the dialect of self-fulfillment

Did you hear the message of Clinton’s speech Tuesday night? It’s a
rotten world out there. Regular folks are getting the shaft. They need
someone who’ll fight tougher, work harder and put loyalty over independence.

Then did you see the Hopemeister’s speech? His schtick makes sense if
you’ve got a basic level of security in your life, if you’re looking up,
not down. Meanwhile, Obama’s people are so taken with their messiah that
soon they’ll be selling flowers at airports and arranging mass weddings.
There’s a “Yes We Can” video floating around YouTube in which a bunch of
celebrities like Scarlett Johansson and the guy from the Black Eyed Peas
are singing the words to an Obama speech in escalating states of
righteousness and ecstasy. If that video doesn’t creep out normal
working-class voters, then nothing will.

QUESTION: Your cynicism is really interfering with my vibe. I don’t
think you’re feeling the fierce urgency of now.

DR. RETAIL: Believe me, those of us who bill by the hour completely feel
the fierce urgency of now. As John Edwards would say, this is personal
with me.

QUESTION: So does this mean the Democrats are fundamentally divided?

DR. RETAIL: Why do you political people always think in either/or terms?
No. Safeway and Whole Foods people shop in each other’s stores. They
just feel less at home.

QUESTION: So who’s going to win?

DR. RETAIL: Observe the marketplace. The next states on the primary
calendar have tons of college-educated Obamaphile voters. Maryland is
5th among the 50 states, Virginia is 6th. But later on, we get the
Hillary-friendly states. Ohio is 40th in college education. Pennsylvania
is 32nd.

But it’ll still be tied after all that. The superdelegates will pick the
nominee — the party honchos, the deal-makers, the donors, the machine.
Swinging those people takes a level of cynicism even Dr. Retail can’t
pretend to understand. That’s Tammany Hall. That’s the court at
Versailles under Louis XIV.